Love this. I wrote an entire one-woman storytelling and music show for Edinburgh Free Fringe in 2015 called “Shit Girlfriend”. It was ostensibly about why you shouldn’t date a musician, but I tried to redeem us at the end. We’re not so bad! My new boyfriend gamely stood at the back collecting the hat money and he is now my husband ❤️
Haha thank you :) I was very proud of that! It did cause issues when I hired a male flyer-er. He quit after one day - he said people gave him such dirty looks because they assumed he'd written a show about his own shit girlfriend. It was a little annoying when the very occasional band Shit Girlfriend started putting music out, I'd hoped to use the name myself for a side project but was too slow.
Spot on. Living in the LA/OC area and having resorted to dating apps in the past, I’ve dated my share of “struggling [insert type of artist here].” The struggling musician whose band made it moderately big but only *after* he left (haha) and who - despite not having a job - thought work was beneath him. The screenplay writer who couldn’t ever stop talking or writing about his own good looks. The struggling author who had a popular podcast and was so rude and arrogant to me that the bar staff - without being prompted - offered (with looks of grave concern) to give me an out when my date went to the bathroom. And the list goes on. In any other circumstance I’d say the uniting thread was me and that I was the problem (I am in many other circumstances, I promise, and maybe I am here too). Yet in spite it all, there’s always some allure about these types of guys.
A very nice read. And yes this is relatable. Not only about being on a relationship with a musician, but to be working with one... The amount of times I've experienced fellow musicians go ape-shit for something ridiculous, just to after a while discover it was all based on the person in question being in need of a serious reality-check.
It's made me develop trust-issues as an adult, after been living all my life not having problems trusting people at all.
And for real, all the people who've been giving me trust-issues have all been artists.
Ohmigawd I wish you had told me this BEFORE I fell for that musician back in the day. What an egotistical maniac he was, and here I was thinking he would change--after all, we were both in our 40s and had been crushing on each other since our 20s, surely it was meant to be?--but no. It was the worst I've ever felt about myself.
It took me years to finally be over him/it. I completely regret my part in trying to make it work like a normal dating situation. Never, ever again.
I’ve been a working musician since 1963. My spouse laughed her ass off as I read her your article. She’s a fine artist. We’ve been together 12 years. In that time I’ve dealt with every issue you brought up. My experience is: having a good relationship has only enhanced my creativity.
I’m still working on the points you brought up. And I loved A Complete Unknown. I became a Dylan fan when I saw him at the Monterey Folk Festival. He got a west coast fan base from that performance. Thank for a wonderful, humorous, humbling essay on us musical mavericks.
I love hearing this. Thanks for sharing. I agree that having a good relationship can enhance creativity. Unfotuneately, having a bad relationship can enhance creativity too. Haha.
I also enjoyed A Complete Unknown. Usually biopics rub me the wrong way, but I thought it was great and as "honest" as possible, taking on Dylan.
I've never been in a relationship with a musician. I am the musician...and I'm fairly obsessed with my art, but I try not to talk about it unless prompted. I save it for the stage or studio. Of course there is a certain amount of ego involved in creating and performing, I believe it's necessary, but it doesn't exempt one from striving to be a caring, compassionate, well-rounded human being.
I haven’t dated a musician but I did marry a tour manager, and he was barely holding it together from being mother/driver/shrink/runner/dealer to musicians 24 hours a day and having to present like every request was completely reasonable and doable.
TMs get it the worst! I don't know how they do it. Certain kind of very, very patient person or a glutton for punishment...Seems like a good kind of person to marry though?
Once again razor sharp insight and caustic wit wrapped up in a veritable Grimms Fairy Tale 🤣🤣 love it Carre. I’ve never (seriously) dated a musician (there was once this struggling artist / punk singer at college but I think I was probably more neurotic and self obsessed thank her 🤣🤣) I wonder if being in the “spotlight” exacerbates / magnifies the foibles that exist within all of us to the nth degree…: absolutely not a fan of Dylan, but a lot of time for Joan Baez (thanks to my school English teacher who played her records endlessly at my school) and Timothy Chalamet is a fine actor so will def go and see the film. Thanks as always Carre 💪🏼
Oh my god, what a theme! I’ve seen the story of Joan Baez’ relationship either Bob Dylan in the Scorcese documentary.
I also had the experience of dating on-and-off a guy who was the songwriter of my then favorite band - the trauma haunted me for years after! Like you said - a perfect storm of insecurity and a god-complex.
I’m making music myself now but I’m just starting out in my 30s and I harbor the hope that my psyche is mature enough to not become an asshole :D I kind of adapt the baseline thought that im a corporate consultant and - if it works out - a musician. In terms of dating, at this point in life I’d pick the guy with the “boring” job every time!
It is all so true, I wonder what your boyfriend has to say about it.
I tried to stop being an artist/musician to become a better boyfriend, it didn't work out, I got heartbroken and found myself totally immerse in music once again trying to save myself.
Another great article Carrè, I'll watch the movie later even if I can't stand Dylan at all. Thanks
Tbh, my bf is the (maybe one and only) exception. He’s the most selfless person. I don’t know how he’s so grounded. Maybe it’s because he got touring out of his system long ago…I’m the one who needs to be more aware of things and people outside of myself and my art. I’m trying to find a balance. But when I’m on tour, prepping for a show, or recording an album, I’m insufferable. It’s almost a Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde thing. 😵💫
Nashville guitar player checking in - I became more tolerable as a person and met my non musician wife after undergoing a significant shift in perspective where I realized I’m not a musician as much as I am a human being who makes music.
Really? Nobody is having any successful relationships at all with musicians? Zero? I know plenty that skew the stereotype. True, we’re different. But that wouldn’t be as clickable of a headline.
Love this. I wrote an entire one-woman storytelling and music show for Edinburgh Free Fringe in 2015 called “Shit Girlfriend”. It was ostensibly about why you shouldn’t date a musician, but I tried to redeem us at the end. We’re not so bad! My new boyfriend gamely stood at the back collecting the hat money and he is now my husband ❤️
"Shit Girlfriend"! Genius!! Hahahaha
Haha thank you :) I was very proud of that! It did cause issues when I hired a male flyer-er. He quit after one day - he said people gave him such dirty looks because they assumed he'd written a show about his own shit girlfriend. It was a little annoying when the very occasional band Shit Girlfriend started putting music out, I'd hoped to use the name myself for a side project but was too slow.
Spot on. Living in the LA/OC area and having resorted to dating apps in the past, I’ve dated my share of “struggling [insert type of artist here].” The struggling musician whose band made it moderately big but only *after* he left (haha) and who - despite not having a job - thought work was beneath him. The screenplay writer who couldn’t ever stop talking or writing about his own good looks. The struggling author who had a popular podcast and was so rude and arrogant to me that the bar staff - without being prompted - offered (with looks of grave concern) to give me an out when my date went to the bathroom. And the list goes on. In any other circumstance I’d say the uniting thread was me and that I was the problem (I am in many other circumstances, I promise, and maybe I am here too). Yet in spite it all, there’s always some allure about these types of guys.
….
The lice story though omfg! 🤢
Just stay off Raya. That’s a good start. Hahaha
This was all from Hinge hahah But yes, point taken! These same guys all professed to be on Raya as well 😬
In any event, I’ve deleted Hinge. As the saying (meme) goes, if the right guy exists, he’ll just magically materialize in my living room…
A very nice read. And yes this is relatable. Not only about being on a relationship with a musician, but to be working with one... The amount of times I've experienced fellow musicians go ape-shit for something ridiculous, just to after a while discover it was all based on the person in question being in need of a serious reality-check.
It's made me develop trust-issues as an adult, after been living all my life not having problems trusting people at all.
And for real, all the people who've been giving me trust-issues have all been artists.
Ohmigawd I wish you had told me this BEFORE I fell for that musician back in the day. What an egotistical maniac he was, and here I was thinking he would change--after all, we were both in our 40s and had been crushing on each other since our 20s, surely it was meant to be?--but no. It was the worst I've ever felt about myself.
It took me years to finally be over him/it. I completely regret my part in trying to make it work like a normal dating situation. Never, ever again.
I’ve been a working musician since 1963. My spouse laughed her ass off as I read her your article. She’s a fine artist. We’ve been together 12 years. In that time I’ve dealt with every issue you brought up. My experience is: having a good relationship has only enhanced my creativity.
I’m still working on the points you brought up. And I loved A Complete Unknown. I became a Dylan fan when I saw him at the Monterey Folk Festival. He got a west coast fan base from that performance. Thank for a wonderful, humorous, humbling essay on us musical mavericks.
I love hearing this. Thanks for sharing. I agree that having a good relationship can enhance creativity. Unfotuneately, having a bad relationship can enhance creativity too. Haha.
I also enjoyed A Complete Unknown. Usually biopics rub me the wrong way, but I thought it was great and as "honest" as possible, taking on Dylan.
I've never been in a relationship with a musician. I am the musician...and I'm fairly obsessed with my art, but I try not to talk about it unless prompted. I save it for the stage or studio. Of course there is a certain amount of ego involved in creating and performing, I believe it's necessary, but it doesn't exempt one from striving to be a caring, compassionate, well-rounded human being.
I haven’t dated a musician but I did marry a tour manager, and he was barely holding it together from being mother/driver/shrink/runner/dealer to musicians 24 hours a day and having to present like every request was completely reasonable and doable.
TMs get it the worst! I don't know how they do it. Certain kind of very, very patient person or a glutton for punishment...Seems like a good kind of person to marry though?
Once again razor sharp insight and caustic wit wrapped up in a veritable Grimms Fairy Tale 🤣🤣 love it Carre. I’ve never (seriously) dated a musician (there was once this struggling artist / punk singer at college but I think I was probably more neurotic and self obsessed thank her 🤣🤣) I wonder if being in the “spotlight” exacerbates / magnifies the foibles that exist within all of us to the nth degree…: absolutely not a fan of Dylan, but a lot of time for Joan Baez (thanks to my school English teacher who played her records endlessly at my school) and Timothy Chalamet is a fine actor so will def go and see the film. Thanks as always Carre 💪🏼
Oh my god, what a theme! I’ve seen the story of Joan Baez’ relationship either Bob Dylan in the Scorcese documentary.
I also had the experience of dating on-and-off a guy who was the songwriter of my then favorite band - the trauma haunted me for years after! Like you said - a perfect storm of insecurity and a god-complex.
I’m making music myself now but I’m just starting out in my 30s and I harbor the hope that my psyche is mature enough to not become an asshole :D I kind of adapt the baseline thought that im a corporate consultant and - if it works out - a musician. In terms of dating, at this point in life I’d pick the guy with the “boring” job every time!
Or a poet
Love this omg so good 😊
Amen...
Humble, open, and honest....See, there's still some human soul in your musician's body.
It is all so true, I wonder what your boyfriend has to say about it.
I tried to stop being an artist/musician to become a better boyfriend, it didn't work out, I got heartbroken and found myself totally immerse in music once again trying to save myself.
Another great article Carrè, I'll watch the movie later even if I can't stand Dylan at all. Thanks
Tbh, my bf is the (maybe one and only) exception. He’s the most selfless person. I don’t know how he’s so grounded. Maybe it’s because he got touring out of his system long ago…I’m the one who needs to be more aware of things and people outside of myself and my art. I’m trying to find a balance. But when I’m on tour, prepping for a show, or recording an album, I’m insufferable. It’s almost a Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde thing. 😵💫
I stopped touring and club gigging in 1983. I became a film and TV composer.
Matte, I’ve got a song for you.
Let's hear it!
Nashville guitar player checking in - I became more tolerable as a person and met my non musician wife after undergoing a significant shift in perspective where I realized I’m not a musician as much as I am a human being who makes music.
Really? Nobody is having any successful relationships at all with musicians? Zero? I know plenty that skew the stereotype. True, we’re different. But that wouldn’t be as clickable of a headline.
I know very few professional musicians in healthy relationships. Very few. But I said there are exceptions. My partner of 6 years is a musician.