This was absolutely worth the wait. This should be a mandatory reading for the Western World!! Popularity, booze, pills, and orgasms will never fill that empty void. That hole is humanity, what our society is too far removed from. Brilliant piece! Thank you
I think about this a lot. Mind you, I’ve got no discernible creative talent so there was never a risk of fame for me. But ah, it’s hard not to wonder sometimes what a nice life a little fame and fortune could bring. Or - based on this essay - maybe not.
Funny you mention Chester Bennington. Something like 20 years ago (right when his band was blowing up) I saw him in OC at an outdoor mall. He was lined up by himself to buy a ticket to watch a movie near(ish) to midnight. Nothing wrong with seeing a movie on your own - I’ve done it. But I think that was the first time I wondered - shouldn’t a guy *that* famous (Linkin Park was massive at the time) not be hanging out at the same boring place as me and a few hundred other bored 20 somethings on a Saturday night, watching movies alone? But I don’t know what I envisioned a rock star’s life to be like when I was that young … you definitely paint an interesting picture and one that makes logical sense. When I heard about his passing - and the way he passed - I immediately thought of that night. Sigh.
Always so lovely to read your work! I hope to hear more about your new path - higher education, acts of service, all of it!
“Tragedy isn't waiting tables so you can afford to create meaningful art. Tragedy is having all the fame and wealth in the world and still feeling empty and alone.”
This is something I should print and hang on my wall. I know I’m never going to “make it” with my art and music, never be famous, and sometimes that feels sad, but learning from you and others who are more well known than me that it’s still sad and there isn’t any such thing as making it, helps me realize that I’ve already made it. I have a job that feeds my family. I make my art and music when I can, which is most days. No one is writing in magazines about me or anything but I feel good about what I made and have received some kind words from others.
I remember that moment in the movie Soul after his big show and he realizes that he’s still himself, still unsatisfied and sad and then plays by himself on his piano and feels the magic again. It’s a silly kids’ movie, but it really feels like it gets at something true.
Well I've been working in an office for 25 years and that isn't fulfilling either 🤷♂️ maybe 7 hours office, 1 hour sex, drugs and rock and roll would be healthy?
Carre - once again meaningful insight wrapped in your unique perspective and sprinkled with that humour, transparency and attitude we all know and love!
You’re absolutely spot on - Gen X growing up in the 80’s watching Simon Le Bon et al dancing on a yacht, Madonna and Bruce in front of adoring thousands, Prince seducing everyone ….. it was perfect alignment - fame = money = success = being liked / loved. Easy! Only, along came the 90’s and the narrative changed (we became more savvy?) Andrew Wood & Layne Stayley succumbed to (hidden from public) OD, Kurt checked out - wait! What? Fame now DOESN’T equal all those things? WTF…….
I think maybe it’s an age thing, maybe the naivety of early years turns into the realities of later years and certain events give us pause to stop and reflect - whether that’s the suicide of musicians, global pandemics, increased awareness through social media or just plain openness from musicians we trust.
Growing up I wanted to be liked (not understood - that’s a story for another time) and placed value on myself based on how I was thought of by others. It was only as I got older I realised that success / happiness lie in the value I put on myself by my own measure. (don’t get me wrong - I’d love to be a musician but I don’t have the talent - but that’s ok) so I’d like to say “thank you” for reminding us that the ONLY person who can celebrate your success is yourself and the metrics you chose are yours to own and being happy and fulfilled is what brings joy - not standing on a yacht in South America wearing a blazer with huge shoulder pads! 😉
PS - will you be sharing some of your writing with the group - I love the short form of your posts and would be really interested to read “your stuff” when / if you’re ready to share.
Love this latest post. I play music to keep myself sane. Fame and success come and go, and like you said, they aren’t one and the same. There are artists who create because they simply have to; not because they choose to.
Emotional success should be a concept taught to all aspiring musicians, artists, actors, etc. I wish someone had hipped me to that concept years ago. I still don't understand it, but at least it's a rubric worth aiming for, and not limited by one's age, ability, location, etc. I once had a partner who chastised me for always shooting for that bigger marquis, and I couldn't understand where she was coming from. Bigger shows, better gigs with bigger names, more magazine interviews - it all meant a clearer path to success. But that shit goes away. Eventually the opportunities dry up, the invitations stop coming, people lose interest. Then there's a big fucking hole that has you questioning the validity of your very existence. I would coach all younger aspiring artists to pursue emotional fulfillment over financial success or notoriety. They don't often come together, and each comes with a pretty high personal cost.
My admiration for anyone who plies their trade on stage is boundless.
As a teenager all I ever wanted was to be the lead singer of a rock band and enjoy all the fame and adoration that comes with that.
I knew I could sing but when the time came to perform in front of a crowd I just couldn’t…too nervous, too shy.
The pressure to perform must be overwhelming and I fully get why the majority of “famous” people turn to drink/drugs to get by. The highs and the lows must be devastating for the plateau.
Success is subjective, for some fame and fortune will only do, for most happiness and contentment are the goal.
Thank you Carré for another insightful post and good luck in your future endeavours. I’ve always said you don’t get the recognition your talent deserves but maybe you prefer it that way. X
My ideas of success have definitely changed over the years. In my 20s, not self destructing to drugs, booze or misadventure was a win. In my 30s, working out what I really wanted to do got the gold medal. In my 40s, going all out and mining the depths of perseverance to achieve the dream (a hand built natural house in the country) was tops. Now, in my late 50s, after several serious health scares, waking up every day is a great success. But the greatest joy comes from giving to others. I now have most physical things that I want, work part time on my own terms and spend the rest voluntarily on community. It is very satisfying and rewarding. So, success there. Got a million items in the 'didn't quite work, SNAFU or whoopsie, I done fucked up there' columns but I like to focus on the good bits. Broken body aside, I'm still happier than a lot of the many celebrities or super-rich people that I've met. In fact, quite a few of them were downright miserable and projected that misery on those around them.
It seems like we'll adjusted people who get famous end up hating it, but they learn to deal with it. Damaged people who get famous thinking it will solve all their problems still hate it because it's never what they thought.
Wow, that's a lot to think about! Absolutely agree with you about fame -- it has to be the most alienating, lonely state of being it's difficult to understand why everybody seems to crave it. Being a lot further down the road, age-wise, I can say that my definition of success has changed dramatically -- from wanting my ad career to be amazing & to make lots of money; to wanting my books to be best-sellers; to wanting to do something significant to try to make the world a better place; to wanting to find meaning and joy in the everyday and to make my family relationships and friendships as rich and healthy as possible. One thing I love about being a woman is that I feel that we are allowed, and in fact destined to have markedly different chapters in our lives that demand different things of us. I always loved that quote: "Change is inevitable, growth is optional. " But Carre, you are such a thoughtful searcher and have such piercing insights into your past and present ... I cannot wait to see what you'll do next!
This was absolutely worth the wait. This should be a mandatory reading for the Western World!! Popularity, booze, pills, and orgasms will never fill that empty void. That hole is humanity, what our society is too far removed from. Brilliant piece! Thank you
I think about this a lot. Mind you, I’ve got no discernible creative talent so there was never a risk of fame for me. But ah, it’s hard not to wonder sometimes what a nice life a little fame and fortune could bring. Or - based on this essay - maybe not.
Funny you mention Chester Bennington. Something like 20 years ago (right when his band was blowing up) I saw him in OC at an outdoor mall. He was lined up by himself to buy a ticket to watch a movie near(ish) to midnight. Nothing wrong with seeing a movie on your own - I’ve done it. But I think that was the first time I wondered - shouldn’t a guy *that* famous (Linkin Park was massive at the time) not be hanging out at the same boring place as me and a few hundred other bored 20 somethings on a Saturday night, watching movies alone? But I don’t know what I envisioned a rock star’s life to be like when I was that young … you definitely paint an interesting picture and one that makes logical sense. When I heard about his passing - and the way he passed - I immediately thought of that night. Sigh.
Always so lovely to read your work! I hope to hear more about your new path - higher education, acts of service, all of it!
This really hit home.
“Tragedy isn't waiting tables so you can afford to create meaningful art. Tragedy is having all the fame and wealth in the world and still feeling empty and alone.”
This is something I should print and hang on my wall. I know I’m never going to “make it” with my art and music, never be famous, and sometimes that feels sad, but learning from you and others who are more well known than me that it’s still sad and there isn’t any such thing as making it, helps me realize that I’ve already made it. I have a job that feeds my family. I make my art and music when I can, which is most days. No one is writing in magazines about me or anything but I feel good about what I made and have received some kind words from others.
I remember that moment in the movie Soul after his big show and he realizes that he’s still himself, still unsatisfied and sad and then plays by himself on his piano and feels the magic again. It’s a silly kids’ movie, but it really feels like it gets at something true.
Well I've been working in an office for 25 years and that isn't fulfilling either 🤷♂️ maybe 7 hours office, 1 hour sex, drugs and rock and roll would be healthy?
Carre - once again meaningful insight wrapped in your unique perspective and sprinkled with that humour, transparency and attitude we all know and love!
You’re absolutely spot on - Gen X growing up in the 80’s watching Simon Le Bon et al dancing on a yacht, Madonna and Bruce in front of adoring thousands, Prince seducing everyone ….. it was perfect alignment - fame = money = success = being liked / loved. Easy! Only, along came the 90’s and the narrative changed (we became more savvy?) Andrew Wood & Layne Stayley succumbed to (hidden from public) OD, Kurt checked out - wait! What? Fame now DOESN’T equal all those things? WTF…….
I think maybe it’s an age thing, maybe the naivety of early years turns into the realities of later years and certain events give us pause to stop and reflect - whether that’s the suicide of musicians, global pandemics, increased awareness through social media or just plain openness from musicians we trust.
Growing up I wanted to be liked (not understood - that’s a story for another time) and placed value on myself based on how I was thought of by others. It was only as I got older I realised that success / happiness lie in the value I put on myself by my own measure. (don’t get me wrong - I’d love to be a musician but I don’t have the talent - but that’s ok) so I’d like to say “thank you” for reminding us that the ONLY person who can celebrate your success is yourself and the metrics you chose are yours to own and being happy and fulfilled is what brings joy - not standing on a yacht in South America wearing a blazer with huge shoulder pads! 😉
PS - will you be sharing some of your writing with the group - I love the short form of your posts and would be really interested to read “your stuff” when / if you’re ready to share.
Take care xx
Love this latest post. I play music to keep myself sane. Fame and success come and go, and like you said, they aren’t one and the same. There are artists who create because they simply have to; not because they choose to.
Emotional success should be a concept taught to all aspiring musicians, artists, actors, etc. I wish someone had hipped me to that concept years ago. I still don't understand it, but at least it's a rubric worth aiming for, and not limited by one's age, ability, location, etc. I once had a partner who chastised me for always shooting for that bigger marquis, and I couldn't understand where she was coming from. Bigger shows, better gigs with bigger names, more magazine interviews - it all meant a clearer path to success. But that shit goes away. Eventually the opportunities dry up, the invitations stop coming, people lose interest. Then there's a big fucking hole that has you questioning the validity of your very existence. I would coach all younger aspiring artists to pursue emotional fulfillment over financial success or notoriety. They don't often come together, and each comes with a pretty high personal cost.
Here here. 🙌🙌. Fantastic piece of writing.
My admiration for anyone who plies their trade on stage is boundless.
As a teenager all I ever wanted was to be the lead singer of a rock band and enjoy all the fame and adoration that comes with that.
I knew I could sing but when the time came to perform in front of a crowd I just couldn’t…too nervous, too shy.
The pressure to perform must be overwhelming and I fully get why the majority of “famous” people turn to drink/drugs to get by. The highs and the lows must be devastating for the plateau.
Success is subjective, for some fame and fortune will only do, for most happiness and contentment are the goal.
Thank you Carré for another insightful post and good luck in your future endeavours. I’ve always said you don’t get the recognition your talent deserves but maybe you prefer it that way. X
My ideas of success have definitely changed over the years. In my 20s, not self destructing to drugs, booze or misadventure was a win. In my 30s, working out what I really wanted to do got the gold medal. In my 40s, going all out and mining the depths of perseverance to achieve the dream (a hand built natural house in the country) was tops. Now, in my late 50s, after several serious health scares, waking up every day is a great success. But the greatest joy comes from giving to others. I now have most physical things that I want, work part time on my own terms and spend the rest voluntarily on community. It is very satisfying and rewarding. So, success there. Got a million items in the 'didn't quite work, SNAFU or whoopsie, I done fucked up there' columns but I like to focus on the good bits. Broken body aside, I'm still happier than a lot of the many celebrities or super-rich people that I've met. In fact, quite a few of them were downright miserable and projected that misery on those around them.
It seems like we'll adjusted people who get famous end up hating it, but they learn to deal with it. Damaged people who get famous thinking it will solve all their problems still hate it because it's never what they thought.
💕🎵💕
“Fulfillment without external validation” - right on. Rick Rubin has a lot of good insight on art.
The moment I understood that the past and the future do not exist was totally liberating.
No past, no future, only now. This pretty much negates the idea of success, which lives in the past and the future.
It’s not worth chasing.
Wow, that's a lot to think about! Absolutely agree with you about fame -- it has to be the most alienating, lonely state of being it's difficult to understand why everybody seems to crave it. Being a lot further down the road, age-wise, I can say that my definition of success has changed dramatically -- from wanting my ad career to be amazing & to make lots of money; to wanting my books to be best-sellers; to wanting to do something significant to try to make the world a better place; to wanting to find meaning and joy in the everyday and to make my family relationships and friendships as rich and healthy as possible. One thing I love about being a woman is that I feel that we are allowed, and in fact destined to have markedly different chapters in our lives that demand different things of us. I always loved that quote: "Change is inevitable, growth is optional. " But Carre, you are such a thoughtful searcher and have such piercing insights into your past and present ... I cannot wait to see what you'll do next!