Thanks for sharing Carre - and assuming your back on our beautiful, wet, windswept isle! Having spent time in LA I completely agree (however, wouldn’t mind some of that weather!)
This piece has really solidified what I enjoy most about your writing and that’s your self awareness - many people (some of whom you describe in this piece) don’t understand or question their place in the hamster wheel but you constantly do and talk about both positives and negatives - and your reflections - it’s refreshing penmanship and feels really authentic - hope you’re well and welcome “home” - we’ve got you!
Sounds exactly like my feelings about living in FloriDUH! Thankfully, I don't live anywhere near the "trendy" areas of South Beach and West Palm Beach.
I think anyone traveling "home" has very similar feelings - be it flying out to LA, taking a long road trip to middle of nowhere USA, or traveling three houses down - it's an almost alienating and typically eye-opening experience ... even worse when you've been gone a while, even more so when it's the holidays, and, again, even worse if you have had bad (unpleasant, traumatic, adverse, abusive - however one would describe it) experiences there. So - stack them all up? Hell. And, even if the company is nice, the place can still be Hell.
Being more positive - I really enjoyed the PJH piece and I fell in love with her first hearing Man-Size. It was years (many) after a it's release that I discovered her but it was love. Still remains my favorite - and would make one hell of a QK cover ;)
music, the endlessly confusing, frustrating, mesmerizing, addictive mirage...I can't seem to quit it. following along with your journey — who knows...maybe we'll both find some answers in the coming seasons!
This was a nice find, stumble. It’s reassuring (and depressing) to meet a fellow traveler with similar experiences to sulk from. I mostly like the rhythm of the story. It’s driving and steeped in dynamics.
I worked at the Chateau Marmont pursuing similar ambitions. Ironically of all the mega bands that stayed with us, the best album to come out of that period was by a short-lived band called Crash Poetry. Comprised mainly of our head valet dude James Roberts, and our sister hotel’s (the Standard) main valet dude, his brother Joe. They made the record on less than a shoe string budget. While U2 ( hung out) and Pearl Jam and the Smashing Pumpkins stayed with us. PJ Harvey was a Standard gal, at least back then. While many of us were dreaming, the Roberts DID. Now I DO, but only on lame as F Spotify. The moral of the story? None. But I do get EXACTLY (as much as strangers can) where you are coming from.
I hate LA. For everything you said. And the new ozempic wave is very scary. Anyway, I live in San Pedro, food sucks but it’s authentic. And that’s that. Thank you for this read!
Substitute ‘working at NASCAR’ for ‘living in Los Angeles,’ and this is me. Carré - you really spoke to me on this. I understand exactly what you mean by having your life left in ruins not of your design. And substitute “moving to the mountains of Western North Carolina” for “moving to London” and that, also, is me. It’s good to meet you. Feels like I already know you. ☺️
As far as I can tell, you are first and forever... a musician. I'm so glad that with all you are changing and challenging in your life, you always have the strength and faith to come back to that.
Different generation than you & I’ve only been in LA for 5 years but funny enough my only posts on SS so far are about my struggles w/this crazy f’ing city (you write about it very well). If 1 more person says “yea but the weather” to me I’ll flip. My shop is a block from 1 of those $70k/yr private schools. Talk about a bunch of entitled brats (this students too).
Completely understand the depressing holidays and you taking a breather from it, but I really enjoy your posts, I've only done paid subscriptions for three people through Substack since beginning in March, but yours is the only one that's worth it.
I hated LA when first arriving, left after just a few days because it was so horrible and I had no interest in spending the month I had planned to stay--appreciate your stance on the city because I feel the same exact way.
Also, I used to live in London, back when I was married, before the ugly divorce ;) and the ONLY thing I miss from that relationship is residing there. It's an amazing city! I hope Europe brings you happiness and pristine health xo xo xo
So, I wonder, just responding to the LA part...if maybe your LA experience is too fine, too specific. I mean, there are lots of other thing in LA, stuff that exist in every city. Yes, the entertainment wealth layer is a constant flavor in the chili, but it is not just that. There is a City there.
My LA experience is definitely specific to *my* LA experience. There are good things about LA. As there are good and bad things about every city. But the entertainment industry, wealth/wealth discrepancy, air pollution, dirtiness, homelessness, traffic, segregation (LA is diverse but hands down the most segregated city I’ve ever lived in), adds a flavor to the chili that I don’t have a taste for.
Hi Carre. Cheers for sharing. Boy I relate to your post. And the perverse comfort in going back there. With the double standards and bullshit. And the questions it throws up within you. But it can be self destructive. Not gonna go into to much detail but one of the things about being in recovery. For me anyway. Is reflection and glamorising my old life and the so called good times. The what ifs and the if onlys.
Outside I had everything. 6 figure salary. 3 holidays a year. 2 cars. Hanging around bullshit people doing the same as those people you spoke about. Over priced smoothies. Fancy restaurants. Designer clothes . It's all bollocks when your like I was dead inside. No purpose. Afraid to do or say anything . Because of the crushing fear of rejection and judgement.
But you can rebuild and it always works out. We can find ways. Next time I see you I'll tell you more. But my purpose now is simple. Just fucking BE.
Thanks for sharing Carre - and assuming your back on our beautiful, wet, windswept isle! Having spent time in LA I completely agree (however, wouldn’t mind some of that weather!)
This piece has really solidified what I enjoy most about your writing and that’s your self awareness - many people (some of whom you describe in this piece) don’t understand or question their place in the hamster wheel but you constantly do and talk about both positives and negatives - and your reflections - it’s refreshing penmanship and feels really authentic - hope you’re well and welcome “home” - we’ve got you!
Thanks, Emile. Glad to be back. XX
Sounds exactly like my feelings about living in FloriDUH! Thankfully, I don't live anywhere near the "trendy" areas of South Beach and West Palm Beach.
Your post reminds me of TOOL's Aenima lyrics:
"Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call L.A.
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away
Any fucking time, any fucking day
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay"
Well, I guess that's one thing Maynard and I can agree on! Hahaha
I think anyone traveling "home" has very similar feelings - be it flying out to LA, taking a long road trip to middle of nowhere USA, or traveling three houses down - it's an almost alienating and typically eye-opening experience ... even worse when you've been gone a while, even more so when it's the holidays, and, again, even worse if you have had bad (unpleasant, traumatic, adverse, abusive - however one would describe it) experiences there. So - stack them all up? Hell. And, even if the company is nice, the place can still be Hell.
Being more positive - I really enjoyed the PJH piece and I fell in love with her first hearing Man-Size. It was years (many) after a it's release that I discovered her but it was love. Still remains my favorite - and would make one hell of a QK cover ;)
Thanks for always sharing with us ♥️
I typed all that and forgot my original point when I started writing the reply 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ (ahh, the ramblings after a long work day lol)
This sounds like me after writing a Substack post.
I enjoy your writing, this was great.
music, the endlessly confusing, frustrating, mesmerizing, addictive mirage...I can't seem to quit it. following along with your journey — who knows...maybe we'll both find some answers in the coming seasons!
(here's hoping!)
I'm right there with you xx
Cueing you up for discovery later on Apple Music purely on the strength of your love for the Peej. 🙂
This was a nice find, stumble. It’s reassuring (and depressing) to meet a fellow traveler with similar experiences to sulk from. I mostly like the rhythm of the story. It’s driving and steeped in dynamics.
I worked at the Chateau Marmont pursuing similar ambitions. Ironically of all the mega bands that stayed with us, the best album to come out of that period was by a short-lived band called Crash Poetry. Comprised mainly of our head valet dude James Roberts, and our sister hotel’s (the Standard) main valet dude, his brother Joe. They made the record on less than a shoe string budget. While U2 ( hung out) and Pearl Jam and the Smashing Pumpkins stayed with us. PJ Harvey was a Standard gal, at least back then. While many of us were dreaming, the Roberts DID. Now I DO, but only on lame as F Spotify. The moral of the story? None. But I do get EXACTLY (as much as strangers can) where you are coming from.
I hate LA. For everything you said. And the new ozempic wave is very scary. Anyway, I live in San Pedro, food sucks but it’s authentic. And that’s that. Thank you for this read!
Yikes. Two heart attacks waiting to happen. Glad that guy’s doing better.
Substitute ‘working at NASCAR’ for ‘living in Los Angeles,’ and this is me. Carré - you really spoke to me on this. I understand exactly what you mean by having your life left in ruins not of your design. And substitute “moving to the mountains of Western North Carolina” for “moving to London” and that, also, is me. It’s good to meet you. Feels like I already know you. ☺️
As far as I can tell, you are first and forever... a musician. I'm so glad that with all you are changing and challenging in your life, you always have the strength and faith to come back to that.
Love your writing. But most of all, your spirit.
I love that first PJ Harvey album so, so much. It is astounding: https://tempo.substack.com/p/dress
Different generation than you & I’ve only been in LA for 5 years but funny enough my only posts on SS so far are about my struggles w/this crazy f’ing city (you write about it very well). If 1 more person says “yea but the weather” to me I’ll flip. My shop is a block from 1 of those $70k/yr private schools. Talk about a bunch of entitled brats (this students too).
Completely understand the depressing holidays and you taking a breather from it, but I really enjoy your posts, I've only done paid subscriptions for three people through Substack since beginning in March, but yours is the only one that's worth it.
I hated LA when first arriving, left after just a few days because it was so horrible and I had no interest in spending the month I had planned to stay--appreciate your stance on the city because I feel the same exact way.
Also, I used to live in London, back when I was married, before the ugly divorce ;) and the ONLY thing I miss from that relationship is residing there. It's an amazing city! I hope Europe brings you happiness and pristine health xo xo xo
So, I wonder, just responding to the LA part...if maybe your LA experience is too fine, too specific. I mean, there are lots of other thing in LA, stuff that exist in every city. Yes, the entertainment wealth layer is a constant flavor in the chili, but it is not just that. There is a City there.
My LA experience is definitely specific to *my* LA experience. There are good things about LA. As there are good and bad things about every city. But the entertainment industry, wealth/wealth discrepancy, air pollution, dirtiness, homelessness, traffic, segregation (LA is diverse but hands down the most segregated city I’ve ever lived in), adds a flavor to the chili that I don’t have a taste for.
Yeah, that stuff is SOooooo bad.
Hi Carre. Cheers for sharing. Boy I relate to your post. And the perverse comfort in going back there. With the double standards and bullshit. And the questions it throws up within you. But it can be self destructive. Not gonna go into to much detail but one of the things about being in recovery. For me anyway. Is reflection and glamorising my old life and the so called good times. The what ifs and the if onlys.
Outside I had everything. 6 figure salary. 3 holidays a year. 2 cars. Hanging around bullshit people doing the same as those people you spoke about. Over priced smoothies. Fancy restaurants. Designer clothes . It's all bollocks when your like I was dead inside. No purpose. Afraid to do or say anything . Because of the crushing fear of rejection and judgement.
But you can rebuild and it always works out. We can find ways. Next time I see you I'll tell you more. But my purpose now is simple. Just fucking BE.